I may have a problem

Donna (my wife) and I headed out to do a little grocery shopping this Friday afternoon. This meant traveling the west loop in Houston, as people are leaving work early. You can tell the difference in traffic volume on Friday's - at about noon things really heat up and south bound on the west loop and west bound on I-10 are no fun to travel.

Well on this day, we suddenly found ourselves in the middle of a very "slow moving" traffic jam headed north on the west loop. And so, the inevitable decision - do we just stay on course or find an alternate route home. I passed on my first opportunity to exit the freeway fearing a long line on the service road. I made the wrong choice. I was in big trouble. Now, I had to make another decision - 1) stay left onto 290 (that seemed crazy since the sign said the freeway was closed at 43rd. I couldn't figure out why so many people just continued to head that way.), 2) go right and exit at 18th (I've never seen so many 18 wheelers in one place), or 3) straddle the middle, where the least traffic seemed to be and exit at T.C. Jester. I chose the path of least resistance.

You know, of course, that I was on the left side and had to get into the middle, while riding in bumper to bumper traffic. And you also know, that Houston drivers are notorious for not letting you into their lane. I learned a long time ago, to not use my turn signal until I was already into my lane change. I don't remember reading this in the motor vehicle manual for Texas, but apparently it says, "When another driver turns on their indicator light to enter your lane, you should speed up and close the gap, because they are simply trying to increase the time it takes for you to get to your intended destination. And God forbid that you should let anyone slow you down on the road."

After several failed attempts to move right and the window of opportunity quickly closing, I must of had a near death experience because suddenly many thoughts and pictures passed before my mind. Here is a sampling: "I am a sensible human being but most of the other people on the road are idiots." "I pictured a modification on my car, where machine guns were mounted on both sides allowing me to shoot out tires, immobilizing offending vehicles, and creating a clear path." "I suddenly realized that before K-Mart went out of business in Houston, there was a blue light special on driving licenses, and half of the Houston population bought one. (This must explain why I so often holler out to other drivers, "Where did you get your license?") "I imagined my vehicle's wheels were like the chariot wheels in the movie Ben Hur, and would cut to shreds any tire that did not give way as I entered the right lane."

Suddenly coming to my senses, I somehow managed to get into the middle lane but now wondered if I had been the victim of an alien abduction, just underwent a Vulcan mind-meld, lost my mind, or am a very impatient person with a highly active imagination.

Whichever is true, I think I may have a problem.